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“We all have an area of our life, at least one, where it’s harder for us to show up fully, where it’s more difficult for us to be open and to go all in on things and to take risks.”
In this episode, I’m sharing the deeply personal work that allowed me to finally go all-in on a romantic relationship, confront the fear and distrust I carried for years, and become earned-secure after a lifetime of insecure attachment. I talk about what it means to thoroughly process old trauma, why healing requires us to clear out what we’ve been carrying for decades, and how the freedom that comes from doing this work can change what feels possible in our lives. I also share what it meant to have a relationship blow up in my face and walk away without being retraumatized, along with a conversation about the places where emotional intelligence can become another label that keeps us from seeing ourselves clearly. And while I’m speaking about my relationship as an example, these lessons apply to every area of our lives where we feel fear and resistance, or keep creating the same outcomes.
Join me for our upcoming workshops here!
What to listen for:
- Why it took me decades to finally go all-in on a romantic relationship
- Recognizing my lingering trauma and processing aggressively to clear it
- The freedom and leverage that comes from the work is worth the discomfort
“I had to ask for and receive support, and so I was forced to confront a lot of that deep fear and distrust. And doing my work around it, I really started to feel safe around men.”
- It wasn’t just the person allowing me to go all-in; it was me and my work
- Becoming earned-secure despite decades of being insecurely attached
- Healing is like cleaning the lint trap; if you don’t do it, it can cost you everything
“We keep continuing with these coping mechanisms, and these fears and these ways of being that keep us stuck at a certain level in that area of our life. And what process work does is it starts to remove those layers.”
- Walking away untraumatized despite it completely “blowing up in my face”
- New lessons can’t be learned if we never clear out what’s old and stored
- If something feels perpetually out of reach, there’s work for us to do
“If something feels perpetually out of reach or impossible to you, that’s your clue. That’s the tell that something in you is making it so. Seeing this requires discernment because we’re not discounting systemic obstacles and limitations.”
- Identifying the area of your life that needs deeper healing and growth work
- “Not doing enough” doesn’t mean anything bad about you as a person
- Where we go wrong with labeling ourselves emotionally intelligent
Episode resources:
Connect with me on Instagram and LinkedIn.
Grab your copy of my memoir, Unravel.
Listen to the “Somatics of Receiving” episode.
Listen to the “Strategies to Stop Self-Sabotage and Live a Life Without Limits” episode.
Join me in my upcoming workshops on building personal capacity, transmuting what’s hard and what hurts, and becoming a forward-compatible leader by registering here.
About your host:
Stephenie Zamora is the Founder and Head Change Agent at Choose Your Calling, a new revolution in purpose, contribution, and creative solutions for systemic and social justice issues. She’s a Forward Compatibility Consultant and Mentor who has worked for the past two decades at the intersection of purpose, business, and systemic change, helping individuals, thought leaders, and organizations design lives and businesses that actually hold up in the world we’re moving into. Through her mentorship and consulting work, she partners with founders, social innovators, and visionaries who are designing bodies of work that disrupt systems of harm while actively building what the world needs next. Learn more at www.chooseyourcalling.com.